Apologies for spending so long without updates. It has been a fairly rough couple of months…. Started off with family illness, ended with other family issues, tossed in some photoshoots, assisting gigs, LOTS of day-job drama, and mood swings.
Unfortunately, all of that had the result of wearing me down into a state of near-permanent hysteria and depression. I generally avoid talking about personal issues on the blog, since the last time anyone should hear about my convoluted life is when they’re looking for inspiration or product recommendations. But the two tie in together, in this case.
I dare you to find a beauty nerd who hasn’t had to justify her love of the makeup to someone who just chalks it up to vanity, or insecurity. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has asked myself whether the confidence coming from great makeup is a crutch, perfecting the exterior, while letting the problems inside fester.
So what is my makeup, to me? It really IS my artistic side, and I love its ability to make me remember an emotion that isn’t in the forefront of my mind, or let others know I’m feeling especially aggressive, or try out a different way of perceiving myself, as well as the obvious joy of colors, textures, composition…. But it only works for me when my bottom line is ALREADY happy and confident. When I’m genuinely scared, depressed, or dealing with a bad bout of mental illness, the very idea of wearing makeup feeds it, making me feel even MORE insecure, and amplifying the bad emotions. It just feels… dishonest….like I’m trying to completely redo myself, rather than enhance what’s already there.
I LOVE applying makeup for its creative aspects, but I’m a temperamental canvas, at best. I’m much happier focusing myself on painting other people. I’ve still been researching, and living with makeup 24/7, but I’ve directed most of it AWAY from the blog. I’m reluctant to wear makeup, photograph my face(Well, full face anyways.), and force my makeup love in a direction that is overall unhealthy for me.
So I guess I’ll try to do a lot more eye and lip macros, reviews, product breakdowns from photoshoots, etc. but there definitely WILL be a revision in the direction of thepaintedmask. I’m sure you guys can understand. Thanks for your patience, while I continue to figure out how to tie the beauty blogging in with my outside life!
We’ll see what the next few months bring!